Sunday, October 3, 2010


Tuesday was the first day of fall play auditions. I had signed up for them, and of course I was going.

After school, I headed to the auditorium. I wasn't feeling too nervous yet, but that feeling would come soon. I sat down four or five rows from the stage and pulled out some homework while we all waited for whatever was coming next. Everyone got a piece of paper and we all answered the questions that were on it before we gave it back to the directors of the play. After that, the auditions began.

We were called up in groups ranging from three to six and we were told what characters to read and off of what pages of the script. I read the blond (the same two lines) twice, getting some good laughter from the audience the second time. My nerves had, by this time, started up, but I didn't let it show in my voice. My hands were shaking, but I didn't know if that was obvious or not.

I got off of the stage and a few people on the ends of the aisles told me I had done a good job. I smiled and gave them a theatrical bow, saying a quick "thank you" as I did. I was feeling good. Those lines were the only ones I read that day, but I felt good about my performance.

Wednesday was the second day of auditions, and it was also the day that the callbacks were supposed to be posted. That morning, I checked the choir room door and saw the list. There was my name, printed on the list. I was one hop short of giddy as I walked off to my first class.

That day, though, I realized I had caught a cold from my brother. I had all of the symptoms of his cold, and I hoped that it wouldn't make me miss school the next day.

Thursday came, and I didn't realize it at the time, but I was probably fevering on and off all day. I was hot then cold then hot again, and my hands were clammy all day. By the end of sixth hour, I felt miserable. My head was throbbing, my voice was growly, and I wanted to go home and take a nap; but it was the day of callbacks, and I wanted to be in the school play more than I wanted a nap.

After sixth hour, I went to the auditorium. I sat in about the same place that I had sat before and two of the girls in front of me turned around and invited me to sit with them. I declined for multiple reasons (my cold, my backpack was already sitting beside me, I didn't know them, and I just didn't want to get up if I didn't have to). They realized that I had been at auditions on the first day and complimented me on how I had delivered my two lines. I smiled again and croaked a thank you.

We began the callbacks with the directors telling us that there were twenty-two of us there and only thirteen roles. I wondered why they had picked a play with such a small cast, but I wasn't worried about it. I was sure that I would get a part. They also told us that some of us would go up twice and some of us would go up four times, but that didn't mean some of us were worse than others. They're thought behind it was that they knew more of what some people could do as opposed to others, so I figured I'd get to go up quite a few times, since they'd never seen me act before.

I was called up and was told to read the part of a retired actress, so of course I turned on the drama. Again, my lines got some good laughs from the audience, but one of the directors told me that she couldn't hear the ends of my lines. My cold may have had something to do with that, and my mother told me that it's just natural that our voices get softer as we finish our sentences. It was an easy fix, and the in next two lines I read I thought I had remedied the problem.

Those were all of the lines I got to read, and I definitely didn't read as many lines as some people. I thought this was interesting, but I got a few more compliments from other people who auditioned and I left the callbacks happy. We were told that the list of cast members would be posted on the choir room door the next day, sometime after lunch. I felt miserable, but I was looking forward to the next day.

Friday morning I checked the choir room door. There was no list posted yet, but I didn't think much about that, because they had said that it wouldn't be posted until after lunch. I went through my day like it was just another normal day (even though I wasn't feeling one hundred percent healthy because of my cold). After lunch, I walked past the choir room door on my way to my fifth hour class. I glanced over at the door and saw the list. I stopped for a moment and scanned it quickly.

My name wasn't on it.

I turned and began walking down the hallway. There was only a five minute break between classes, so I hadn't looked over the list very carefully, and I might have missed my name, but I felt my eyes sting a little. I took a deep breath and blinked quickly. I shouldn't have checked the list... I thought to myself. No, my name is on it. I just missed it. I walked into my fifth hour class and pushed the list out of my mind. I'd check it again before choir.

Sixth hour came and I walked to the choir room. I stared at the list, going through all of the names...

My name wasn't on it.

I swallowed hard and quickly ducked into the choir room. I flopped my backpack down on a chair and took a deep breath. I got my folder of music out of the cupboard and set it on my chair by my backpack. My eyes were stinging, but I wasn't going to let myself cry. Not here, not in school. I took a drink of water from my water bottle and stared up at the ceiling for a moment, clearing my mind of thoughts. I blinked a few more times, took another deep breath, and forgot about the list until choir had finished. I pretended like I was fine, like I wasn't breaking down inside, like I wasn't confused. The directors knew that I needed to be in that play so that I could meet people. They both knew I was new. I knew I had done well, because people had told me so.

But I didn't think about that. I didn't talk about it, and I didn't let it show on my face. I put on a blank expression, pulled out my choir music, and sang. Not even my friend noticed my sadness enough to say something about it.

I knew for a fact that day that I was a good little actress.


You Friendly Stalker said...

Aww, Mii.... :( You told me you didn't make it, but still. That's so sad...
I'm sure you're going to make it in the next play. It was probably a really hard choice for the directors.

Is your cold gone yet?
I less than three you!

Jay (THH) said...

(unrelated to blog post)
hey Mii, did you know that you are now a mod on THH? lol bad timing.